2010 ~ Passion within

30.10.10

People Pleaser

上午10:35

Kaka

People pleaser also another type of the symptoms of time abuser. You and me could easily fit in this group, understanding majority of us want to be helpful to be the one who try no to say"NO" to the people. However, saying "Yes" all the time doesnt make you to be a functional person, resulting in committing too much of time to some unproductive projects and taking more responsibilities out of a fear of confronting authority.

People pleaser develope this problem because of having difficulty interact with authority figures. Probably in their early environment, their feelings were not sufficiently valued. Just imagine Cinderella, who was force to clean house so her stepsister could go to ball, people pleasers are taught to leave their feeling aside for the good of others. Not only could grow up the feeling of being controlled but also evoke the feeling of rage.

When a person go extra mile, its normal for them to ask for recompense or recognition. However people pleasers seem humble and self-effacing, the truth is that like everyone else possibly more than others need public acclaim. If there is not recognition forthcoming, not only will the problem got worse, but they may even attempt to against the authority figure they feel have been controlling them.

For us to help,
As indicated that people pleaser often nurse deep anger. If you come across any cases, you could offer them some assertive training to learn beeter how to set limits and , ultimately how to handle his anger.
Moreover, they routinely accept work beyond the boundaries of their jobs, so if you should direct them back to what they are supposed to do by saying " I need you to be there" .
Finally when we trying to evaluate their work, it shouldnt be judging their performance rather then the type that helps you to determine whether they feels appreciated or not. As we knows, people pleaser engage so much extra work is that they get more recognitionfor doing somebody else's work than they get for doing their own. If you want them not to go to unreasonable lengths for praise, make sure you tell them they are far too valuable to your group.

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23.10.10

Say bye to my "MUM"

上午10:40

Kaka

All the best when you go back to malaysia to be a professional housewife.

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18.10.10

Oh Happy day !

清晨7:51

Kaka

SOmething can help when u have monday tuesday wednesday thurs .. blue

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12.10.10

Passion break

清晨7:59

Kaka

Finally starting blogging again, sigh.. Thats just me being . starting up with passion and give up easily. I truly understand how passion is important to my life. but just seldom carry it out and make it last. I have been investigated into myself and getting a new understand of myself, I diagnosis that I have been suffered from procrastinating which hidden in my body and i believe it is quite widespread. Since young I have been behaving in this way like leaving assignments until the last minute and then throw myself into panic, not only in academic side, in workplace same things happened again and again.

Procrastinators like me always find excuses to explain their lack of performace. They have high expectation on themselves yet fear to acheive the high goals. A developmental history known to give rise to such chronic self-doubt is being raised by parents of future procrastinators do not respond to average performance by providing corrective feedback or reacting with disappointment. Instead they say, "You must not have been yourself when you did that because the real you is perfect." Unfortunately when parents do this way to the kid, it would end up with a kid that have exalted opinion of himself that he fears losing. And unless a child knows that the praise is real, he becomes doubly disillusioned . On one hand, he resents being trapped by unrealistic performance expectaions. On the other hand because he comes to suspect his parents' admiration as false, the procrastinator unconsciously distrusts the praise that he receives from others. I believe parents have a great influence on the children until their children have developed independent mindset. That could be part of the answer for myself that why im like this maybe i was just born to be like that. After you have grown up and have your own social network (e.g high school friends, lifegroup friends ) where would bring the second wave of influence.
Just my personllay opinion if you are procrastinator or your friends is:
receiving public acclaim could make the situation worsen if i feel that my lofty status has grown even loftier which could mean that I have to meet a higher expectation from others which increase the feeling of fear of increase the likelihood of failure. Yet they are not simply refuse to do yet they could get interrupted by other assignments or is sidetracked by unexpected issues or crises. These excuse them for not performing and producing inferior work. "If i study in the begining of the semster , i should get 7." "If i was born in UK, i would be playing in EPL." hmm not a good example but i think u get what i means.

I think if you are like me or you wanna help your friends to identify their problems and solve it, in my case, you will make them feel comfortable imagining all the bad things that might happen if she could come in time but not late for hours. By helping a procrastinator relief their anxieties, you can help them understand you can do remarkable things n dont have to be superhero.
Or helping them to lower absurdly high expectation like telling them that you dont have to be prefect when you are sharing or serving in the lifegroup, give them room for mistakes to lower their anxiety about less-ideal performance.

This is just some of my thinkings and my personal experience, I believe that if you wanna work something out and kept failing, there could be a problem which havent been solved and should look deep into it. Procrastinating is a huge problem to me , the motivation are unconscious and shown to be in a deep denial only long-term therapy could really cure i dont want anyone ending up wasting a lot of their life time which could have been done much more things in Christ. Also if you can identified any of your friends havent this "disease", i urge you to invest your time and effort to the "long-term therapy" because it is rewarding to them and to you and to God .

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